


The Last Knight

by Ameliapoand



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Anger, Arguing, F/M, Fights, Goodbyes, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 17:19:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1656323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameliapoand/pseuds/Ameliapoand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Warden says goodbye to Alistair after the Landsmeet. Oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Knight

I tried to be quiet. I really did. But I just couldn't stop myself from falling into pieces. As the Hero of Ferelden, you'd think that I'd have a little more dignity than this.

You'd be wrong though.

I had to admit, my room was quite luxurious. If I wasn't so oblivious to everything around me except the situation at hand, I might have enjoyed it. A four poster bed with silk sheets rested back against the far wall, and there was even a vanity near to it which was made of what looked like mahogany. Indigo curtains hung from huge glass-paned windows on the opposite wall of the bed, so that I woke up to the sun rising just over Denerim's largest hill. You know, things like so. Such comforts were rarely seen nowadays, though the darkspawn were mostly to blame for that. I've never even seen things like these during my short lifetime, let alone own them. Being of elven heritage doesn't really put you high on the social ladder... of any culture, actually.

At any rate, the situation at hand was getting downright outrageously difficult for me to handle. All I could notice of the room was my ragged breathing reverberating off of its acoustical walls. Tears hadn't come just yet, but I knew that if I wasn't careful enough, soon, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from screaming. It seemed inevitable to me. In any case, the night was dark and warm, comfortable enough and almost like a mockery of how I felt on the inside, which was dark, but more so like a devastating hurricane than a calm, summer evening. A cool breeze suddenly flitted in and out of the castle, filtering gently through my room window, and it felt nice on my sweat stained skin. I almost sighed with relief. I could still appreciate the simplest of things, at least.

An unexpected knock at the door startled me out of my long and dreary thoughts, however. I didn't answer, and then a voice sounded through the sturdy wood. An all too familiar voice, one that both accelerated and froze my heart in place. Oh no.

"Lyna, I know you're in there. Please open the door. We need to talk."

No! I didn't want to talk. I already made my choice, and now I'll have to live with the consequences, or die with them.

"I will break down this door,” the voice suddenly growled, and I failed to stifle the thrill those words caused me, “But please don’t make me do that. Open up.”

I felt like challenging him, even verbally daring him to do such a thing... but ultimately, I resisted the insane urge to defy. I knew that he would do it, and that would only lead to more trouble on my behalf, trouble I really couldn't afford to take responsibility for. 

I had already done enough.

Forcing myself to breathe again, I felt my face settle into a stony mask before shuffling over to the room's wooden entrance. Grabbing ahold of the latch, I tugged the door open, exposing the room and myself to a vision of true perfection behind its massive frame. I felt my lungs expand painfully at the sight of him.

Lean, lengthy arms folded across his muscular chest, and his coffee painted eyes glowed with what seemed like blatant betrayal in the night's candlelight. His face was fixed straight like mine, and I couldn't help but feel a sharp pain shoot through my chest. It was awful that after all that we've been through, he and I were diminished to this. To two complete strangers.

Unbelievable.

"Hi," I eventually managed to choke out. Suddenly desperate, I hoped that he hadn't noticed how fragile my voice had just sounded. Vulnerability was not something I wanted to feel tonight.

He noticed anyway, of course. It wasn’t like I should be surprised, he could sense anything and everything about me. It was one of the things I loved the most about him. I watched silently as Alistair’s face immediately crumpled in anguish, and I knew that he hated to see me like this... hated to hate me.

I hated me too.

Clearing his throat, he strode past me and into my quarters, leaving me behind to shut the door for fear of being overhead. I mentally steeled myself, knowing that what was about to take place was not going to be for others' ears. When I turned around though, I saw him already staring into my eyes, green battling viciously against brown, like a silent attack. I didn't know what to say to him at all. I had already made my choice. 

Seconds went by in agonizing silence, and then a minute. After two, the atmosphere finally became unbearable, and I held my breath to stop the aches in my chest. Maybe I'd just pass out from lack of oxygen and die. One could hope, right?

When I finally opened my mouth to speak, Alistair cut me off, his eyes hard and unreachable.

"How could you?" he nearly whispered. His voice was low and furious, but full of hurt. Undeniable hurt. I had hurt him. This was all of my fault.

He waited a long time for my answer. I couldn't breathe, let alone talk. When I had managed to gather myself, I brought my gaze back to his relentless stare and did my best not to buckle underneath the wordless accusations within them.

“I had to,” I said, ashamed at myself, averting my gaze towards the floor.

Alistair took a single step forward, and I noticed several veins sticking out against his hardened skin like wires trying to break through. “That’s not good enough,” he nearly hissed at me. As he clenched his teeth, I saw his jaw start to twitch uncontrollably, bringing about the abrupt urge to fling myself on to him and cry like a little girl, like the one I still was inside. But, I couldn't. A general doesn't act like that. And I hated it.

"Alistair..."

"NO!" he shouted. I nearly flinched back at the volume of his protest, but he ignored this and continued speaking, each word of his rising in volume and strain. 

”We make decisions together Lyna. That's what leaders do. Hell, that's what people who love each other do. Do you love me, Lyna? Do you? If you did, you might have considered my feelings before taking absolute control of the situation." He began to pace in a furious line up and down near the foot of my bed while he ranted on. I hated to see him this upset, but it also angered me that he'd question my feelings for him. How dare he!

"Lyna Mahariel, I never wanted to be king. _Never._ For you to decide that was incredibly wrong and humiliating. What about me? I would have given up everything for you. Do you understand me? Everything! But you've condemned me to a future I've had no say in. And, you've resolved yourself to _die_. How could you do that to me? Why do you ask this of me? I don't understand this agony!" He threw his hands up in the air, his hands tightening angrily into fists. After a moment of nothingness, though, he began again, his tone much more soft and pleading than before, and it broke my heart into smaller pieces than I ever thought possible. Almost into dust.

"I need you, Lyna. And not as my servant. Not as my... subject. I can't let you do this,” he moaned pitifully, raking each rigid finger through his golden hair. “I can't let you sacrifice yourself. I just can’t! I don’t know how to live without you. Not after everything we've faced together. Please..."

As he talked, a large lump had formed in my throat, and so I swallowed it down the best I could before I spoke up again. "Alistair, you have to trust me on this. There is no way out for us! I can't be your queen, and I will not let you die in my place. As your subject,” the word causing the both of us to flinch, “It is my duty to keep you safe. Even if that means giving up my life. But your future doesn't have to be as bleak as you make it out to be! If you try, if you really just _try_ , you could be the greatest king Ferelden has ever known. I know it." I suddenly became aware of my lungs burning for air. I attempted to breathe calmly through my nose.

Finally closing the distance before us, Alistair darted to where I stood and took me in his arms, painfully squeezing me against his body. It was an embrace, but all too much felt like a goodbye. "No, Lyna. No." He kissed my hair and breathed hard against my scalp.

I shook my head yes, scraping myself against him, because I started to gasp so hard that I couldn't do anything else. He only squeezed me tighter.

"Stop it," he commanded, his voice dark.

Endless moments passed. An eternity could have passed us by and it still wouldn't have been enough time with Alistair. Forcing myself to pull away from him, I looked up into his eyes and forced a smile onto my mouth. He reached out and touched the tips of my pointed ears, and I shivered before letting him lean in and kiss my forehead.

"You have to go," I breathed as his lips were on my skin.

I heard his breath stop in his throat, and he jerked back as if stunned. As if I had slapped him.

“No,” he said adamantly.

I swallowed convulsively, feeling a knot form at the center of my brows. ”Please, Alistair. We can't drag this on any longer. Tomorrow, I'll be gone, and you'll be king. We must face it now. If not now… when?”

Tears never left his perfectly perfect eyes, though they brimmed with moisture as he quickly lowered his gaze towards the floor. I watched him struggle to retain composure, feeling my own fracture quietly in the process.

"I'll come back in the morning,” Alistair said confidently, his arms beginning to shake around me. “I will."

I nodded, though in my head I knew I'd be long gone before he even had the chance. 

Maybe he did too.

"Okay."

Alistair reached up and touched my face one last time before turning on his heel and nearly running out of the room. When the door closed, my knees buckled and I collapsed to the floor, finally feeling hot tears run down my cheeks.

The tears had come.


End file.
